Leo The Great
by LisaDouglas
Summary: "You little boy, will do great things. I named you for a man who did, I named you for the great saint and the line of Popes." Monsignor Timothy Howard raises his son to follow in his foot steps.
1. You Have My Word

Chapter One- You Have My Word

"No! No!" Jude sobbed, holding out her weak, shaky arms. "Please! Please let me see my baby, please!" She begged. "Please!"

"Nurse, come back here with the boy." Timothy said calmly.

"He's, he's a boy?" Jude smiled, still holding out her arms as the nurse walked back toward him. She scoffed, giving the desperate Jude a dirty look as she placed the baby in Timothy's arms.

"Look, there he is." Timothy told her, turning to her and showing her the newborn baby.

He tried his best to display as little emotion as possible, not wanting to show Jude that he cared for the child or for her, even though he did. The situation was too complex and it was much too much for him to bear. He looked down at the newborn boy in his arms, not allowing it to register within his mind, that it was his baby son, given to him by a woman he loved very much.

"Oh!" Jude gasped, tears pouring down her cheeks.

Her heart skipped a beat, stopping for a moment to fill with a sense of desperate longing. She studied her son's features carefully, wanting with everything in her to just rip him from Timothy's grasp and hold him tightly. She had no words for the joy in her heart she felt at seeing the baby she'd wanted for so long.

"P-please Timothy let me hold him, please!"

"Jude, you should rest, I don't know if it's a good…"

"Please Timothy, give me our son!" She cried.

Timothy looked over at his former lover and paused, sensing how crushed she was. The new Mother's arms were empty and her spirit filled with longing in such a way that her sadness seemed to reach out to him. After a moment, even he couldn't bare to watch her sorrow continue.

"Alright." He relented quietly, transferring the newborn into her arms.

"Oh! Oh there ya are!" Jude sniffled, holding her son tightly. She placed a kiss upon his tiny forehead, leaning hers against the baby's, beginning to cuddle him tightly. "Mommy loves ya so much, so much more than anyone in the whole world is ever gonna love ya."

Timothy watched sadly as Jude continued to cuddle and kiss the newborn boy. He put his head down, starting to feel guilt over what was about to happen.

"Jude." He said, after a few minutes. "I think it's time you let Sister Bernadette take the baby now."

"No." She told him. "I haven't had enough." She sniffled. "I haven't had enough time with him yet." She stared into the baby's face and played with his fingers." The baby was comfortable in his Mother's arms. He already knew her voice and could distinguish it from all the others. Her arms were right where he wanted to stay.

"You need your rest." He gave an excuse. "Give our son a kiss and say good-bye now." He instructed.

Jude hesitated and leaned down, kissing her baby's forehead.

"I love ya sweetheart, Mommy'll see ya soon." The baby began to whimper as the nurse, Sister Bernadette came back and took the baby away. Jude looked in his direction longingly as she heard his sobs grow increasingly louder.

"Timothy, he's screaming, I want him back. When can I see…"

"Jude." He said, his tone so calm that it made Jude raise an eyebrow. Didn't he care about his own baby crying? "That's something I've been meaning to discuss with you."

"What is?"

"I'm a Priest. You're a patient in a mental hospital…"

"Held here against my will and far no reason!" She added. He ignored her.

"Neither of us are in the position to raise our son."

"No!"

"Jude, the nuns from St. Ursela's are coming in the morning…"

"No! No! You can't be serious, you son of a bitch!" She growled. "Where's my son, give me my son, please!" She called, hoping against all hope that someone else nearby would help.

"Jude you've become unhinged."

"How dare you give away yar own son, you heartless bastard!" She cried, using the rest of her strength to begin punching him. "Give me my baby, please Timothy, please!" She cried, her anger dissolving slowly into quiet pleading. Timothy took her wrists in his hands, her own hands still clenched into fists still.

"It's clear you've lost your mind, Jude."

"Please, please, I demand to speak to someone, he's stealing my baby! Please!" She sobbed.

"Sister." Timothy called quietly, gesturing to the nurse on the other side of the room. "Clearly, Ms. Martin needs to be sedated."

"Yes Monsignor."

"Please, Timothy, no! Don't do this. Far all the love ya had far me, please!" She asked, trying hard to break free of the firm grasp he had on her wrists. "Please have mercy on yar son, I don't want him ta be an orphan when he has a Mother who loves him, please!"

Timothy ignored Jude's pleas and helped hold her down as the nurse came back with a shot to sedate her.

"Here Jude, this will keep you calm." He whispered.

"No, no, ya can't do this. Ya won't get away with this Timothy, you have my…my word." She cried, her words becoming slower now as the medication acted fast, overtaking her system and making her very tired.

"I'm sure I do." Timothy said as he watched Jude drift off to sleep.

When the nurse left, he stood and looked at Jude for a moment, cupping her tear-stained face in the palm of his hand. He ran his thumb over her cheekbone, smiling sadly.

"I'm sorry it has to be this way Jude." He said simply. He stuffed his hands in his pockets and began to walk down the hall, leaving Jude unconscious and alone in her bed, still bleeding from the birth.

Timothy blinked, keeping his head down as he walked, trying not to admit that a single tear was rolling down his cheek. He stopped when he heard a baby wailing loudly, seeming to be screaming bloody murder. He'd never heard a baby cry quite like that and it caught his attention, not just because he realized the sound was unusual, but also because it hit him that it was coming from his own child. Timothy's heart skipped a beat and he turned back, walking into the room where two nurses were tending to the baby.

He stood quietly and watched, neither of them said a thing to him. He swallowed nervously as he watched the baby be washed and swaddled.

"M-may I see him?" He couldn't help but inquire. His heart began to beat faster and he warned himself that holding his son was a bad idea. Nonetheless, he couldn't help it.

One of the nurses eyed him suspiciously, having heard Jude's repeated accusations, throughout her labor, that the child was his also. The Monsignor's odd request to hold the bastard child seemed to only confirm the former Nun's words. Nonetheless, the sister handed the boy over and slowly his crying came to a standstill. Timothy looked down at the baby, holding him in his arms, he watched carefully as the baby slowly opened his eyes, greeted with the same little twinkle that seemed almost ever-present in his Mother's eyes. Seeing this was like a punch in the stomach to the Monsignor: it overwhelmed him with guilt. Timothy surveyed the boy's features, including his nose and his eyes and blonde hair very carefully.

"You look just like your Mother." He whispered.


	2. Leo The Great

Chapter 2- Leo The Great

"Ooooh…ughhh!" Jude hissed.

She clutched her stomach as she awoke, blinking a few times, but not saying anything. She was met with searing pain throughout her abdomen as she came to full consciousness. Without even thinking about it, Jude went to feel her stomach; it had become more than habit over the past few months, the baby inside her had been her only real company and comfort. After a few seconds, Jude came to realize that her stomach was empty and she was all alone in the world now. Remembering what happened, she looked down for confirmation, noticing not only that her baby was gone but that she'd continued to bleed. Jude closed her eyes and lye her head back, beginning to sob. Not only had he taken her precious baby, but the man who was supposed to love her, had left her lying there, bleeding out: like trash.

"Shu, Sister. You will be alright." Jude continued to sob as Dr. Arden approached and loomed above her. Somewhere in the back of her mind, it registered that his tone was far nicer than usual and he seemed to be trying to be of comfort. "You are going to live." He announced.

"Please!" She begged. "Just leave me alone! Let me die! I want ta die now!" Jude sobbed, she saw her beautiful baby's tiny face every time she closed her eyes and it made it all the worse. Without him, she did not want the cruel punishment of living. She paused for a moment when she heard Arden chuckle.

"Ordinarily, I wouldn't care, but the Monsignor has demanded that I save your life. And save your life I will."

Upon hearing this, Jude curled up into a ball and began to cry harder as orderlies rushed in to help Dr. Arden begin the process of stopping her bleeding. Jude lye there and bawled, wishing with everything she had left in her that they'd let her die, she couldn't live a life not knowing what had happened too her precious baby and she was going to have to.

…

"It's not personal you know." Timothy said, raising his eyebrow as he looked down at the tiny baby who slept in a basket on his desk.

The boy was asleep and just hours old. Timothy didn't really understand why it was that he was trying to justify himself to this infant when he wouldn't give his Mother another word on the issue. Timothy stared down at the baby as he napped.

'That's your son.' A quiet, still voice whispered deep inside Timothy's soul, but he quickly dismissed it.

Timothy didn't know what caused him to do this, but he placed his hand inside the bassinet and on the baby's tiny abdomen. He could feel the baby's heart beating steadily, going _thump-thump-thump_ against his hand and he found himself unable to resist giving a half-hearted smile in light of this, recalling deep down, that he was the reason that little heart beat so steadily. The baby yawned, and wrapped his two tiny hands around a single one of Timothy's fingers. The newborn boy sucked softly on the edge of his finger as he held it, gnawing on it innocently with brand new little gums.

"H-hi…" Timothy could barely say.

"Ah." The boy tossed his hands and began to fuss.

"Hey, here, don't do that…" He said, lifting the baby into his arms.

Timothy looked around, suddenly very shaken that he'd picked the baby up, he hadn't intended to do it; it just happened to happen.

"Don't cry." He whispered. Timothy looked up when there was a knock on his door. "Come in."

"Monsignor." A Nun said. "Sister Matilda is here, from St. Ursula's…"

"Oh yes, please send her in….It's not personal." He confided again when the Nun shut the door, leaving him alone with the child once more.

The baby began to fuss and opened his eyes, looking up at Timothy with wide brown eyes. Timothy almost jumped. It was only the third time he'd gotten a good look at the baby's eyes, but somehow it was like seeing Jude staring straight back at him and that scared him. But he was also in awe of it.

"Shu…" He whispered, beginning to rock the boy.

"Father Howard." Sister Matilda said, walking in the door. "I'm sorry I'm a little late. Here, I can take him off of your hands, I see he's fussy, when was he born?" Sister Matilda swept in and took the baby from Timothy's arms briskly, not even giving him a chance to say good-bye. The newborn scrunched his eyes shut and began to scream when Sister Matilda did this.

"F-five hours ago." Timothy said quietly. He didn't know what had overcome him, but he felt his heart sink when she removed the infant from his grasp.

"Well thank you Father, for keeping him until I arrived. Poor little thing. A Mother, in the nut house, and worse, being a Nun's illegitimate son, the poor boy doesn't stand a chance." She said, beginning to walk toward the door.

"No!" Timothy said suddenly, sweeping into take the baby from her.

"W-what?!" She looked back with surprise.

"No I…I know its time but I'm sorry I can't. I can't give him up." Timothy said, cradling the wailing newborn in his arms.

"But Monsignor…"

"No. I'm sorry I called you over here. Sister uh…There's been a change in plans and Ms. Martin's baby will not be going to St. Ursula's after all." Timothy said, wiping a tear from his cheek.

He was in shock about what he was doing and even while he was doing it; he began to panic. He hadn't even really given thought to it, but more than that, he was horrified about what he'd almost just done. He knew he couldn't live with himself after parting with this boy.

"But Monsignor, you can't really think the child can be raised…"

"I will keep him. I will raise him."

Sister Matilda was both shocked and suspicious and left empty armed without saying very much else to him, unhappy she'd been inconvenienced.

"Hello my son." Timothy gulped, whispering quietly when the nun from the orphanage left and he was once again alone with the baby. Timothy felt a tear come to his eye as pride swelled within his heart. "Oh my tiny, precious son. I am so sorry." He whispered, leaning his forehead against the tiny baby's. The boy squirmed in his Father's arms, fussing uncontrollably and Timothy wasn't sure what to do.

"Shu…" He urged, rocking the newborn in his arms. "It's alright. Hush. It's just you and Daddy now." Timothy looked back at his son; his tiny eyes open wide. He was calm now, and it appeared as if the infant boy wanted badly to stay with him. Timothy observed, once again, that he looked like his Mother but didn't address it.

"I'm so sorry for what almost just happened. But things are going to be different, from now on son. Daddy is going to keep you, forever and ever."

Timothy didn't know what he was saying, but he couldn't help it. He hadn't planned for this. He was a Priest, not a parent. He didn't have clothes, or childcare or a place for the baby to sleep… Most importantly, he needed to have the Church's approval and a means put in place for him to officially adopt the boy. He wasn't even sure they'd allow it…

"Daddy doesn't know how yet, but he has a plan and he promises, he'll keep you. You and I are going to stay together son."

Timothy's heart skipped a beat when he looked down at the baby, frightened, suddenly, that he wouldn't be allowed to keep him if he weren't a blood relative. Timothy decided, here and there, to keep the baby no matter what, even if he had to admit that he was the biological father of the child.

"Now. What shall I call you?"

Timothy thought for a moment, he may've liked Timothy for a name, but it wasn't inconspicuous enough. He liked Luke, but it wasn't unique enough for his tastes.

"Leo." He smiled, realizing that the name was perfect. He would be Leo, like Saint Leo, The Great. "You, little boy, will do great things. I've named you for a man who did, I named you for the Great Saint and the line of Popes."

Within days the baby was adopted, baptized and formally Christened, Leo Martin Howard, the son of a single Father who also happened to be a Priest in line for the College of Cardinals. At this point, Timothy knew that that part of the dream would one day be his: ascension to the level of Cardinal, but that the idea of becoming Pope, the dream he'd once shared with the boy's Mother, would be politically impossible to obtain…but those circumstances applied to him and to his lifetime, and not to that of his son. Now Timothy had a new plan and a new dream. If he couldn't become Pope, he'd become an influential Cardinal and set up the pieces for his son to one day follow in his footsteps and achieve what he could not.

...

A Week Later

"Shu, shu, shu!" Timothy soothed, bouncing his sobbing son up and down very gently. "Leo! Leo shu, Daddy's here, Daddy's got you." He said, cupping the back of the baby's head in his hand as he cried. "Leo, Leo, it's alright my son." It was storming outside and other than that, Timothy did not know why his son was sobbing. The baby cried so hard he shook, like he was in a rage or a panic. Timothy did not understand that Leo was starving and that something inside him instinctively longed for his Mother's, loving arms. "There it's alright." He said, rubbing circles in the child's back. "We'll get through together; you and I."

Miles away, Jude hung her head, she sobbed, crouched in a dark corner, hugging herself tightly, rocking back and forth, trying desperately to give herself some semblance of peace. She'd woken up here, in solitary, not even twelve hours after giving birth. By now, she'd been there for almost a week, although she felt it had been far longer than that and she was convinced it had been more like a month.

Timothy had been the one to order that she be locked away and that fact broke her heart. Jude didn't understand how she could bare him a son and in turn, he could just lock her up and throw away the key like this…or perhaps she did understand, either way, it didn't make the pain anymore bearable. In fact, thinking about it, made it worse.

She had a lot of time, down here in the dark cell, to think about her lover throwing her away and worse, to contemplate her baby and what had happened to him. She was cold and lonely, suffering in the dark with nothing to eat and no place to lay her head. All of that coupled with still being in pain from the delivery was pushing her toward the edge. It was all crushing her, and unbeknownst to her, beginning to drive her mad. This, of course, had Timothy's intent in putting her there in the first place: to drive her mad and make her forget.

"My baby, my-my beautiful boy." She muttered, laughing as she ran her fingers through her hair. Jude's actions were on repeat, if you were there, you'd find she'd say this over and over again. She was running her fingers through her hair so fastidiously that she was beginning to pull it out. It was the first real sign that she was changing from former Nun to madwoman.

As if all this weren't enough, her body literally ached for her baby. She felt lonely and empty without him and found that her arms often went to cradle something that wasn't there. Every time she did, she looked down at her empty arms and began to wail. Her breasts hurt badly and leaked milk that went unconsumed. She knew he was hungry and needed to be fed, this all made her worry that no one was caring for her newborn.

"My baby, my beautiful boy." She muttered. This time she paused and grabbed her hair, pulling it tight as she placed her face in her knees and began to sob.


	3. Anything To Please You

Chapter 3- Anything To Please You

A Year and a Half Later

"Leo, come to Daddy!" Timothy smiled, holding out his arms for the little boy.

Leo giggled, abandoning his nanny and his shiny red tricycle, and running

excitedly, across the gravel path to his Father's waiting arms. Leo Howard had grown tremendously since his Father had brought him home, but one thing about him remained true: he still looked very much like his Mother, possibly more so than he had when he was an infant. Every time Timothy looked at his son, he was forced to see Jude.

By this time, Timothy had become Cardinal of New York. He and Leo had just moved to a small, but elegant Victorian home in the city that had a courtyard out front. Despite it's petite size, Timothy thought the home was befitting of his new stature.

"Now there's my boy!" Timothy smiled, lifting Leo high in the air, causing him to laugh. "Daddy is leaving for work, Leo. Now. You will be good for Magda for a few days while Daddy is gone?" He asked.

Magda was Leo's nanny, and for all intents and purposes, he spent the overwhelming majority of his time with her, rather than with his Father. Even so, he still adored his Dad.

"Daddy is going to go on a little trip…to finish up things where we used to live." Leo didn't understand this, and looked at his Father quizzically, Timothy continued anyway. "I'll be back in a few days son, alright?" Timothy kissed the toddler's head.

Leo paused, thinking for a moment, he noticed the suitcase next to his Father and finally understood that he was going to leave. He reached in the front pocket of his navy corduroy overalls and found his favorite red toy car. He extended it to his Father and began to babble.

"Oh no, son this is yours." Timothy tried to hand it back, but Leo handed it to him again.

'Here, you keep it.' Leo thought to himself.

"You want Daddy to have it? I'll take good care of it." He promised.

Timothy watched his son; considering that he was so very considerate, so giving, like his Mother. He paused for a second then kissed the boy again, finally turning to leave.

….

_October 1964_

_ "This wasn't the night far it Timothy." Jude said, moaning as he kissed her shoulder and neck. _

_He spooned her as they lye in bed together, gripping his arms tightly around her ribcage as he continued to kiss her. She knew he wanted more but she was not interested. For some reason, she felt shameful about their union that night when she usually did not. _

_ "Um…what do you mean it's not the right night Jude my love? It's always the right night."_

_ "Ya always think it's the right night." She chastised, turning around to face him. "That's because it is, for the two of us anyway Jude."_

_ "That poor boy…"_

_ "Oh that's why you mean that…"_

_ "Yes." She replied and he knew instantly why she wasn't comfortable. _

_If anything else, their fling had given him mental reprieve from what had happened that day. He kissed her cheek, trying to comfort her. _

_ "Jude I'm sorry it said those things to you."_

_ "That I was yar whore?" She swallowed nervously. _

_ "Yes." He said quietly. "And whatever else it may've said."_

_ "Timothy I am yar whore, look at us." She said, indicating the fact that they were in her bed, naked._

_ "No." He soothed. "You are my right hand. My rare bird, Jude." He kissed her hand. "You are no whore." He turned over, getting up on his hands and arching his whole body over her. _

_ "Anything ta please ya Timothy." She said as he began to kiss her lips deeply._

…

Timothy sat in the back of his private chauffeured car, contemplating the night he and Jude had conceived Leo. He played with his son's tiny toy car, twirling it in his hands as he thought about Jude. His Jude. Every time he closed his eyes he saw her beautiful curves and her smile…when it was quiet it was too quiet for him because she came out of nowhere and filled he void: she haunted him. He could still hear her giggling in his ear, her soft mint-scented breath tickling his cheek. He missed her and despite how cruel he'd been, he really did hate living the life they'd planned without her.

That had been the point, to make a family together, just the two of them as a secret, but madly in love couple. Together they'd be Cardinal and then Pope…but then the unthinkable had happened and she'd become pregnant. Now he was living a life with their son and she was…he didn't want to think about where she was even thought he'd put her there out of his own selfishness.

Despite not being in control at Briarcliff anymore; Timothy had arranged to have her status reported back to him daily. He knew how she acted, what she did. He was going back to Briarcliff today to put his affairs there in order and he knew he would see her. He was nervous about this. Part of him longed to lay eyes on her, and another dreaded seeing what he knew she'd become…she was no longer his Jude, but a madwoman.

Timothy avoided Jude, and the patients altogether until the next day when he'd finished his work there and was preparing to leave for what would likely be the last time. He took a deep breath before stepping into the common room. Timothy reminded himself that whatever she'd become, it was of his making. Part of him felt heart-wrenchingly guilty about this, but the side that was ambitious…well, that aspect of himself always seemed to conquer everything else. Timothy opened the door and it took only seconds for him to pick her out from the crowd. Her blonde hair was unkempt and matted but it didn't matter, he'd still know it from anywhere.

Jude was sitting on the couch with the pinhead, Pepper. He approached quietly and knelt down beside her. Jude turned to him, staring blankly at first when very suddenly her eyes illuminated with a kind of light and desperation he could not stand. Looing into her eyes was like gazing into his old life and he couldn't handle it. He looked down, noting her arms were poised to cradle a baby…who of course, was not there.

"Timothy!" She whispered, her voice sounding coarse and dry.

"Jude..." He smiled, taking her hand.

"She has nothing to say to you!" Pepper exclaimed. Timothy looked at her in surprise…she could speak? When had that happened?

"Pepper, please leave us be for a moment…Jude and I have some things we need to discuss."

Pepper resisted and finally one of the orderlies came and took her away. Jude stared at him smiling absent-mindedly. It quickly became clear to him she was not in her right mind, at least not completely. It hurt to see the Mother of his son this way, part of him wanted to tell her how wonderfully he was doing, that he was the spitting image of her and just beautiful…but he couldn't risk it. If he told her, and she managed to keep telling people that Leo was his biological son, it might put everything he had in jeopardy. He doubted people would believe a woman in her state, but he still decided he couldn't take the risk.

"Where is he?" She asked, desperation apparent in her voice. "Where's my baby?"

"Baby? Jude I think you're a little confused." He chuckled. "I don't know what you're talking about…."

Jude tilted her head and studied his face, her eyes beginning to cloud up with confusion. Timothy stared at his absent-minded former lover for a moment as a completely vial thought entered his mind, and he decided to act upon it: to use it for very personal benefit….who would ever believe it had happened anyway?

"Jude. I'd like to speak with you privately. Would you like that?"

She barely nodded and he took her hand kindly, leading her out of the room and back to an office that had once belonged to both of them. Once there he pressed her harshly against the wall and overtook her lips with his own. She moaned in protest but couldn't help comply with the kiss at least for a moment or two. Somewhere deep in her mind she remembered she'd been in love with this man and she started thinking that maybe he wanted her back and was planning on rescuing her. Oh how she still wanted him to want her back. Despite the horrible things he'd done.

Jude was enthralled in the kiss and didn't notice Timothy unbuckle his belt, just as he hadn't noticed him lock the door behind them. She had no clue she was trapped. Timothy continued kissing her and slowly slid his hands up her thighs. Her eyes flashed open and she started punching his chest in protest when she felt him lift her skirt.

"No! No! Help! Somebody help me!" She screamed.

Timothy ignored her squirming under his more powerful grasp and pushed his lips back up to hers, grabbing her chin and kissing her harsher than before.

"No! Timothy no, not this…" She begged, knowing now exactly what was about to happen.

Timothy tightened his grasp and became even harsher with her as she begged, it was almost as if her fear egged him on and that was not the Timothy she'd known. Jude tried to pull away and took one step toward the door but he caught her around the waist and brought her back to him. Jude gave a painful moan as he forced her against the wall with one single thrust and cruelly grabbed ahold of her hair, keeping her head in place.

"Owww! Timothy stop, please stop!" She sobbed.

Timothy didn't stop and was careful not to utter a word, the whole point was for her to not remember much of this.

The act, which only lasted about fifteen minutes was agonizing for Jude and heaven for Timothy. She was scared senseless, and he pretended he was back somewhere he once adored, in love with this woman and safe in her arms. It was the only place he'd ever felt real love, save for the company of his son. He relished Jude's warmth and the feel of her heart beating erratically against his chest.

Once it ended he kissed her again and she resisted the urge to slap him across the face, only because she didn't want to go to solitary. She put her head down in shame; tears streaming down her cheeks, overwhelmed by the enormity of what had just occurred. Despite all he'd done, in giving away their baby and leaving her here, she'd still had some trust in him and now, with this one act, that was all dashed to hell: this was not the man she'd loved. He never would've…raped her.

Jude dried her eyes and at his insistence, walked ahead of him, with him guiding her, his hand resting against the slope of her back. She found herself walking almost sideways as they made their way back to the common room, finding that their act had left her in pain. She shook and tried to keep herself from crying as she sat back down on the couch where he'd first found her. She could feel something trickling down her leg and couldn't help but begin to cry again. She pulled her legs up and curled up into a half fetal position on the couch.

"Yar a monster." She looked right into his eyes and growled under her breath.

"Jude I think you're confused."

"The Devil was right, I guess I am just yar whore!"

Timothy was surprised. She was more cognizant than he'd realized at first. He decided not to play along, although he knew very well what she'd been referring to: what the devil had said to her at the exorcism just before she'd gotten pregnant with Leo….before everything had changed.

"Jude! I'm surprised at that kind of language from you…do you need to go to solitary? There…"

"You vile thing." She huffed under her breath, realizing she could say whatever she wanted to him so long as no one else heard. That was clearly what it was all about after all, what people saw and heard and how it reflected on him. "Yar not the man I loved, yar not the man I made a baby with….he never would've done these things ta me or our son…or done what you just did in the other room…"

"T-the other room? Jude we haven't moved from this spot…" To the onlooker, Timothy seemed truly confused. Jude tilted her head and gave him a bemused look. "Just ask anyone here." He told her. "We've been sitting here since I walked into the room and said hello…"

Jude paused and looked around, wondering if he was telling her the truth. Sometimes, things did happen that made her forget, even moment to moment, what was going on. Maybe she still desired him so much that she'd had another fantasy, the kind she used to have before they were a couple….Jude shifted in her seat and felt a shooting pain run through her pelvis, leading her to believe, once again, that they'd been in the other room.

"There are some matters which we need to discuss….." He pressed, interrupting her thoughts. He placed his hand on her knee. His touch made her shiver and she tried to look away. "Briarcliff is being sold to the state."

"W-what…" She was shocked.

"The Church has decided to move in another direction Jude…Briarcliff is just not working out for their objectives…I came to see you because well…this might be the last time I see you."

Jude turned back to him, her eyes widening in horror. He was the only connection she had left to her little boy. She didn't doubt for a moment that he was real. The child had been her only company and comfort for nine months and despite being in the worst hell she could've imagined, he'd been the best company she'd ever had and was the love of her life: she wanted him back desperately.

"Timothy…" Jude continued to cry. "No! Don't leave me here! No!" She begged, grabbing his hand.

In addition to wanting her son, Jude knew the level of care would get far worse once Briarcliff was state-owned and she wasn't sure she could survive that. And despite all he'd done, part of her didn't like the idea of never seeing him again. The fact that he'd come just to say good-bye turned her stomach: she really was nothing but trash to him.

"Jude I…" He sighed. "I can't…"

"Yar possessed!" She charged.

"What?" He laughed.

"That night, with the exorcism…it's when everything changed! It's the night ya became a man who could throw away his own son and condemn his lover ta a life of hell…to the life of a madwoman!"

"Jude…"

"Oh don't ya dare patronize me! I know exactly what has happened to ya, ya power-hungry son of a bitch! I see more clearly now as a madwoman than I ever did as the head of Briarcliff!"

"Jude you've clearly lost your…"

"Oh yes _I've_ _gone mad!" _She quipped sarcastically. She stared at him for a moment, laughing as a smile spread slowly across her lips, which caused a chill to run up his spine. "It was just too perfect, wasn't it?" She teased. "My madness was the perfect way far ya ta get rid of all the little troubles you'd gotten yarself into. Wasn't it? I knew all the truths ta yar dirty little secrets from Dr. Arden ta yar thirst far the flesh…"

"Shut your filthy mouth! How dare you say that I…"

"I'm yar perfect scapegoat Timothy and so was our son! Where is he now, huh?" She sobbed. "Ya seem to have no qualms about torturing his Mother…did you sacrifice him on the alter of yar blind ambition too!"

"Jude, I'm warning you to be quiet on this matter!"

"What did ya do with my baby?" She huffed.

"I don't know what you're talking about Jude…you had syphilis, you couldn't have had a baby…." This was true, Jude had had syphilis and was supposed to be unable to bare children, but she knew she had.

"Damn you Timothy, damn you to hell far what you did ta yar own flesh and blood!"

"Jude I promise you. There is no baby...you've never given birth, I have no son by you or anyone else."

"Yar lying."

"I'm not lying. I can show you your medical records if you'd like…"

Jude curled up more and began rocking herself when he said this, her heart began to pound. So many things made no sense and she wondered if maybe she had imagined everything, as he was saying. Not just the child, but the rape too…she remembered he'd said hello, how could he have raped her with all these people around? The medication that was forced on her was strong and often caused her to hallucinate and to not know how she'd gotten from one place to the other. Moreover she knew Timothy and almost everyone else at Briarcliff was a stranger to her now. Should she take his word, or was she right about all these things she felt so strongly about? She was so confused and started sobbing.

"Oh I'm so confused!"

"Here Jude." He leaned over and hugged her, confident now that no one would ever believe anything she said against him. "Shu, shu my Jude. It'll all go away just try to forget." He said rocking her in his arms. He kissed the side of her head. She nodded, wiping her tears and deciding that maybe he was right.

But suddenly fate intervened. As Timothy sat up; a tiny toy red car fell out of his jacket pocket, landing right in the palm of Jude's hand.

"Oooh!" She gasped quietly, her eyes widening with joy.

She knew instantly to whom the little red car belonged. He watched in horror as she examined it and tried to take it away from her, but she pushed him off, able to keep it in her grasp.

"Ya kept him!" She choked, tears stinging her eyes once again. He was real, he was alive, and most of all, she knew where he was. "Ya kept our baby!"

She took the car and held it against her heart. No matter what Timothy had done to her: it warmed Jude's heart to know he'd kept the little boy. It freed her of a world of worry, she may've not gotten to see him, but at least she knew now that he was somewhere safe, and not far, far a way in a place where she'd never find him.

Timothy put his head down and laughed.

"I really don't know what you're talking about Jude... I know you don't want to stay but you really need to be here. Hopefully you'll get the care you need so desperately here…."

"The care I need? I'm doped up on horse tranquilizers Timothy…"

Things were hazy, she'd taken her meds shortly before he'd arrived and had become easily confused by the games he'd been playing. But the little toy car made everything clear in her mind.

"This is his isn't it…our son's…what's his name Timothy please just tell me his name! Far a Mother ta not know her own baby's name, please!" Ironically; she'd wanted to name the baby, Timothy, and now she wanted more than anything, to be free and to get him away from Timothy.

Timothy remained silent, putting his head down as he watched Jude continue to go crazy on him. Jude could not stand injustice, and now that she was sure of herself she'd made a grievous error: she'd stood and began yelling…in front of everyone. The one thing he wouldn't put up with. He sighed.

"Please, tell me!"

"Jude…" She didn't notice that he motioned for the guards to come and get her as they had Pepper earlier.

"Tell me you son of a bitch!"

"W-what! No Timothy, please, not solitary, no…" She begged. "No!"

"Gentlemen." He sighed. "Since she's so upset, I will take her down the hall myself…."

"No!" Jude whimpered. She didn't want this either. "No, please he's a rapist and a kidnapper, please!"

"That's ENOUGH!" He yelled, pulling her into the hall. He held her arm gently, trying his best, of course to keep up appearances.

"Please, please don't take me ta solitary, please!"

"Then shut your mouth!" He growled. "Jude." He tried to gather himself and calm down. "You can't go around telling these people things about me...like that we have a child…" Her heart began to race as he cornered her against the wall again, he stood in front of her, blocking her from moving away.

"We do have a child..." She reminded. "Ya got me pregnant the night of the exorcism…"

"I'm a Cardinal now…" He informed.

"Oh fargive me." She sneered. "Yar Holy now, right, Mr. High-and-mighty?" This angered Timothy. "Nice of ya ta farget who helped get ya there…"

"You didn't…" He knew she had. She'd been his right hand.

"We had a dream! And now yar there, without me..because ya climbed the last step by throw'in me under the bus. I was ya Rare Bird…and now that ya got what ya wanted, I'm trash to ya…" She yelled.

"Guards!" He finally called.

"Did ya come in here just to rub it in my face?" She asked.

He was furious and leaned forward looking straight into her eyes.

"Let's just say I came here because you always said you'd do anything to please me…." Her eyes widened at his comment. She jumped as she felt the guards tug at her arms and begin to lead her away.

"You will not prevail Timothy!" She called from down the hall.

"My God would never allow it!"

…

"Dadda, Dadda!" Leo yelled running down the gravel path into his Father's waiting arms.

"There's my boy!" Timothy hugged him and lifted him up high.

"Dadda kah?"

"What? Oh your car!" He pat the boy's stomach as he carried him toward the house. He paused wondering how he was going to explain that he did not have it. "I've been meaning to talk to you about that son…I know you gave it to Daddy for safe keeping, but, Daddy gave it to someone else. Someone who really needed to have it…who will think of Leo fondly when she looks at it." Leo squinted his eyes, not knowing what his Dad met.

Timothy was himself, confused. He'd intentionally done so much to hurt Jude, and to try to twist her mind, purely in the name of protecting his status and ambition. Part of him was ashamed for how he'd treated her yesterday: for the manipulation, the emotional abuse…and most of all the rape…could he have been that selfish all the way around? That he wanted to have everything she had to give, even if it was by force…only to just throw her way again? Aside from that, another part of him continually kept trying to justify his actions….in his heart he could not.

"Daddy loves you son." He kissed the toddler's forehead as he carried him inside. "You will grow up to be a better man than Daddy is, if it's the last thing he does."

…

Jude smiled to herself, she sat in her dark lonely cell, her heart filled with a

kind of joy she hadn't experienced in the longest time. Despite everything that had happened to her that day, she giggled delightfully as she watched the little toy car slide back and forth in her hands. It was just small enough for her to be able to hide in her bra, where the guards would never look, and that was exactly what she had done amongst all the confusion when Timothy pulled her out of the common room.

"Oh Mommy's little boy…yar alive! Yar well!" She exclaimed, using the back of her hand to dry happy tears. "Once again, ya've given yar Mommy hope on the darkest of her days…" She spoke a promise to her boy out loud to herself. "Yar Fathah thinks that I'd do anything ta please him…and that's all I'm good far….but he never coulda imagined what I'd be willin' ta do ta save ya. Funny, far a man who thinks he knows God, he doesn't seem ta understand, that God will prevail."

Jude fell asleep, the toy car nestled snug next to her heart where no one could find it. She slept well that night, better than any night since before she'd been a patient, because she felt her baby next to her heart and knew she'd see him again.


	4. Thy Mother's Delight

Ch 4- Thy Mother's Delight

Leo laughed a victorious, mighty sounding little laugh as he made his way across the room, his tiny hands seeming to slap the wooden floorboards as he made his way across the vast space of the living room. The small boy was in vigorous pursuit of his nanny's pet Corgi who she'd brought to the house that day. Very suddenly, Leo felt himself being lifted up off the floor from behind and cried out in frustration.

"Leo, son why are you so angry?" Timothy inquired. "You have nothing to be upset about!" Leo screamed at his Father in frustration. Timothy bounced the boy in his arms, trying to make him quiet down.

"You remind me of your Mother when you act this way." Timothy muttered under his breath where he thought his son could not hear.

Like his son, Timothy was very frustrated. He knew that the boy had his Mother's sense of justness; he would get very upset if anything conflicted with what he thought was right. Something about that was unsettling for Timothy, as it conflicted with his plans for the boy. At the same time; Timothy didn't see how much of his son's stubbornness had come from him and not Jude. Leo heard his Father's muttering and quietly wondered about the word Mother. He didn't know what it was, but it sounded important.

"Come now Leo." Timothy soothed.

It was raining outside and there was a fire in the hearth.

"Let's sit and read your new story like I promised, but first, it's time for your lessons."

Timothy sat down, placing the boy in his lap. Leo quickly grabbed the new book his Father had bought for him, eager to hear a story. But first, his Father was going to have a chat with him, one the toddler still didn't understand, but which Timothy sincerely hoped he'd take to heart. Overtime, Timothy actually expected that his 'moral' and intellectual influences would become a part of the boy's ethos, repertoire and even his very being.

"I think you're just old enough." Timothy began, "To learn about becoming great. So I'm going to tell you a story about you"

The little boy looked up at his Father cluelessly. Any on-looker could easily tell you that the boy seemed to understand what his Father didn't or perhaps couldn't: that trying to explain greatness to a toddler, for the purposes of endowing his own greatness in his conscious, was in fact insane in its self.

"Your name is Leo." Timothy smiled at the boy, touching his nose very gently with the tip of his finger. Leo delighted in affection from his Dad and laughed happily when he did this. "And I named you for a great Pope, a great head of the Church and man of God." Timothy reached over and picked up his glass of red wine off the end table, taking a large sip before addressing his son again. "A great man gives of himself son, he becomes another man's hero, as it were. I could see." He paused. "Where you, my little boy, could make a fine hero."

Timothy did not see, as one easily could, that Leo appeared lost and confused. He didn't know what to a hero was or what to make of greatness, only that Daddy was all he had.

"Leo The Great, your namesake." He reminded. "Was a hero because he made Attila The Hun turn back at the gates of Rome, did you know that son?" He asked, joyfully tossing his son in his arms. Timothy kissed the confused little boy on the forehead and sat him back in his lap. "Alright, enough for today son, now as promised, your new story. Leo applauded when his Father opened the book and began to read.

"Waa?" Leo pointed part way through the story.

"Oh what son? Oh…that…" Timothy immediately felt uncomfortable that his son seemed to be inquiring about the Mother in the story. He'd done this before but at the time Timothy had not explained. Now, Leo was a little older and wanted to know who this Mother character was. "That's the little cub's Mommy." Timothy decided to explain, (the story was about bears so the child in question was a cub).

"Mama." He uttered, pointing at the picture again, his son's saying these words almost haunted Timothy for a split second. Leo was still confused, he was unsure of what Mama's were but he was smart enough to wonder if he had one or not.

"Y-yes." Timothy said again. "It's a Mommy Leo, and you don't have one."

Leo didn't know why but he could feel his whole soul sink and he whimpered quietly to himself when his Father said this. "A Mommy is just like a Daddy but she's a girl, a lot of people have both but, some people don't and with us it's just you and me."

Leo was quiet after his Dad said this, his little mind swum and although he hadn't understood his Father's words about Popes or great things, he did start to wonder where his Mommy was, and why she'd left him. Leo loved his Father, who, while a little disillusioned, was very affectionate toward the boy. His Nanny was a nice person who cared for Leo, but she didn't love him as his Father did…given all of this, Leo had always felt that something was missing, a kind of warmth and nurturing he could not even grasp.

It played deep within his tiny subconscious, like a distant memory, as though he were actually missing something he'd once had rather than never having experienced it at all. Leo felt most connected to this feeling at night after his Father turned his mobile and left him to fall asleep in his crib. Timothy thought that the song lulled his son to sleep, but never realized the boy always heard a faint, almost chilling singing that went along with it…

_Lullaby and good night, with roses bedight,_

_With lilies o'er spread is baby's wee bed._

_Lay thee down now and rest, may thy slumber be blessed._

_Lay thee down now and rest, may thy slumber be blessed._

_Lullaby and good night, thy mother's delight._

_Bright angels beside my darling abide._

_They will guard thee at rest, thou shalt wake on my breast._

_They will guard thee at rest, thou shalt wake on my breast._

The singing made Leo start to feel the warmth he was missing, and while deeply comforting, it wasn't nearly enough for him. Every night the little boy went to sleep, listening to suppressed memories he shouldn't have of his Mother singing to him before his birth, and longed to be rocked in a pair of arms that were not there.

…

"Urrrregggg….Reeeggggg!"

A moment passed and Jude came out of the bathroom, wiping her mouth on her sleeve. The former Nun felt so weak and was shaking like a leaf. She was afraid and did her best to keep up appearances that she was well when she was anything but. She grabbed the side of her head and held it as she walked, overwhelmed by the intensity of her illness among other things. It had been a month and a half since Timothy's visit and thus far, she'd managed to keep her little boy's toy car hidden inside her bra. It was an ever-present reminder that she was sane and served as constant encouragement: a reason for her not only to survive, but for her to escape. Now though, Jude thought she had even more reason to escape.

"Oh God…" She muttered, holding her head.

This, you see, was how she'd felt when she'd first realized she was having Leo. Jude was unsure if she could possibly be correct about her assumption, that she was pregnant, once again. She was a little older now, making her chances of getting in this condition even slimmer than before. But she was just as ill in all the same and very classic ways. She had been throwing up for days and no one else in the Asylum seemed sick at all. If it were flu, wouldn't other people be ill?

Jude decided that pregnancy couldn't be a bad assumption either way, it would give her something not only to hope for, but, give her a bigger reason to find a way out of Briarcliff. Jude knew if she was pregnant she had to get out before anyone discovered her condition. She couldn't emotionally afford to loose this child too, one that Timothy had planted in her womb cruelly and forcibly, albeit completely unknowingly. She knew if her pregnancy was discovered, she'd be put in solitary and have the child taken from her at birth like Leo had been, only it would be worse because Timothy would not be there this time to take it home with him and make it his own. As much as she hated him for kidnapping her child, she was grateful everyday he'd taken the baby and not had the heart to give him to strangers, it reassured her that the timothy she'd known was in there somewhere still because if he weren't it'd break her heart. What Jude feared deeply though, is that if the maniacal Arden knew of her condition, he would use her and her unborn baby to experiment on. That idea petrified her.

Jude went to take a nap; aside from the nausea she'd been overtired lately. The former nun crawled into her bed and quickly curled up into a ball, her eyes growing heavy as soon as she hit the pillow.

"_Lullaby and good night, with roses bedight." Jude whispered, just incase there was a baby to whisper to. "With lilies o'er spread is baby's wee bed. Lay thee down now and rest, may thy slumber be blessed…"_

"Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!" The next thing Jude knew she woke up to a sharp pain and sat up straight in bed, throwing back the covers to find herself soaked in blood. "No! No not my baby, not my baby!" She shrilled. "Noooo….You! You! You did this, not you again!" She pointed to the rather imposing figure that loomed at the end of her bed.

"It was the only way Jude, the only way to not suffer an unspeakable fate." Shachath spoke softly. She stood at the end of Jude's bed, holding a long wire coat hanger dripping with blood. "Now kiss me, Jude." Shachath leaned over Jude now, her large black wings flapping open at once.

"No! No! No!" Jude screeched.

"What's going on in here?!" A nurse yelled, turning on the lights.

"Ahh!" Jude caught her breath; she sat straight up in bed, realizing what had happened. "Oh…oh I must've…I just had a bad dream."

"Well stop it, you'll scare the other patients." The nurse barked. "Now come on, to the common room with ya…"

Jude got up quietly, deciding she didn't want any trouble. She made her way to the common room, making a great effort to carry on as if everything was normal. Jude no longer felt like she was crazy, but she still acted like she did in front of many of the other patients…just to keep a distance between them and herself. It gave her a certain security and signaled to some of the nurses that she was actually saner than they may've otherwise thought.

Jude pushed everyone out of her way as she walked toward the television, griping about how 'they' had stolen her life's story as she sat in her usual spot, and prepared to watch _The Flying Nun_.

"You did all you could…thank you…" Kit said to one of the nurses, stuffing his hands in his pockets and preparing to leave the asylum for what he hoped would be the final time in his life. But in that moment, fate intervened, and Kit caught a glimpse of a familiar face…one who Lana had recently informed him was deceased…

"They stole it. My story." She muttered in a show of defiance.

"S-Sistah Jude?" Kit asked, leaning over and putting his hand gently on Jude's shoulder. She froze. Since Leo had been taken, everyone here, except Pepper, who was now dead, and Dr. Arden, who hated her, called her Betty Drake…

"Mr. Walker…" She whispered, just loud enough for him to hear. She reached back and softly squeezed his hand, hoping to signify that she needed help.

He bent down to look at her and she narrowed her eyes, focusing on him.

"Help me." She mouthed. The former nun and Mother to be didn't dare utter a syllable out loud. Something inside told her this was her chance to save herself.

"What are ya doin' here?" He swallowed nervously.

"What were ya doin' here?" She whispered. "Ya falsely accused…I-I know that now."

"Well…I'm back here now cause my wife was here Sistah…and, she just passed."

"Oh…I'm sorry." Jude didn't know what to say.

Kit paused, lost in thought. "Ya know, the kids…they keep askin' me ta bring Mommy home." He sniffled. This saddened Jude, it was as if it hit home too deeply for her. It reminded her of how timothy had come here and violated her when she'd been fool enough to expect him to take her home to their son. In that breath, Jude realized she needed someone to protect her from Timothy once she got out.

"You're not crazy…are ya?"

"No." She whispered.

Kit stopped and studied her quietly, noticing right away that something seemed different about the mean former Nun he'd remembered with such distain: she was frail, and filthy and miserable, but amidst that: she was glowing and seemed somehow every bit a new person. Glowing was what they needed.

"I hate to disappoint the kids." He said. "And while I can't bring Alma back…I think they'd like it if maybe I brought some new life into the house…and I don't' know what it is about you Sistah but…ya seem…radiant…"

…

Jude was never so happy to not know where she was going. Kit grabbed a large flannel blanket, wrapped up the former nun and placed her in the back of his car. It was late by the time they set off for Kit's house. Jude was nervous about meeting his kids, a little boy and a little girl, but so deeply grateful to be in the midst of starting a new life for her own children.

Kit had the radio on and sung along as he drove. Jude lay down and looked up at the stars, pressing her hand against her flat abdomen softly and began to sing the lullaby she'd been unable to finish earlier.

"_Lullaby and good night, with roses bedight. With lilies o'er spread is baby's wee bed." _A single tear poured down Jude's cheek, and she fought and failed to suppress more. "_Lay thee down now and rest, may thy slumber be blessed. Lay thee down now and rest, may thy slumber be blessed." _Wherever Leo was, she wanted deeply to be with him, but, even in the midst of that longing, was overwhelmed to have saved her unborn child's life. Lying there in the back of the truck, Jude sung to both children, not because they could hear, but because it soothed the nun turned Mother's heart._ "Lullaby and good night, thy mother's delight…"_

Meanwhile, many miles always, Leo was getting tucked into his bed, the mobile just got turned on and his eyes grew heavy. Soon the song took over, sounding for some reason, stronger tonight than ever before. He yawned.

"_Bright angels beside my darling abide. They will guard thee at rest; thou shalt wake on my breast. They will guard thee at rest, thou shalt wake on my breast."_

"Good night Leo." Timothy whispered, kissing his now sleeping son. "You're your Father's delight."


End file.
